Dec 9,2014: Studies repeatedly show that married couples of all ages who report higher levels of relationship satisfaction also report having good sex lives. It’s pretty much accepted across the board of relationship therapists that not having sex when you want to makes people unhappy, causing feelings of frustration, depression, rejection, self-doubt, difficulty concentrating and low self-esteem.
For a man, work and money-related stress is particularly likely to take its toll on libido. A woman’s, stress usually starts at home, and including her relationship, which sends her sexual desire packing.
In today’s busy world, many couples find themselves juggling a hectic work life with an equaly hectic homelife. From kids to careers to simply getting enough sleep, it’s all too easy for couples to allow their relationships to fall off the to-do list.
The problem is that even if a couple shares a strong partnership as parents, that relationship if sexless can become vulnerable. Sex isn’t an issue unless a couple isn’t having any! Then it rapidly becomes the spectre that no one talks about. When one partner has a higher sex drive than the other the lack of physical intimacy becomes a source of resentment resulting in added stress further increasing the stress and in turn further pushing sex down the list.
Research shows sex is one of the main causes couples argue, often above money, housework and other common sources of conflict. Sex is also one of those subjects that women tend to keep bottled up because they’re afraid of eliciting an angry reaction.
Many men respond by fighting, arguing triggers the brain’s fight or flight response system. and it’s this confrontational approach raises one’s heart rate, increases blood pressure and plays a big role in cardiac disease. The opposite reaction, flight, can be just as harmful, if not worse, for women. It leads to self-silencing: a bottling-up of emotions that causes anxiety, depression and a cascade of unhealthy behaviors.
To regain a positive sex life, couples need to find a way to put sex back to the top of the list find a way to reduce daily stresses where they can. Both partners must redirect some energy toward their relationship with each other, and get over feelings of guilt or excuses that they are too busy, or too tired.
If one person reaches out and starts to make the effort, most couples find that it becomes easier relatively quickly. Both people begin to feel closer to each other and stop co-existing and remember what they had together before the kids and all of the responsibilities came along.
Couples to try to have sex once a week, unless there is an real reason not to do so such as illness. Plan a special night, or simply spend quality time together after the kids have gone to bed, devote some attention to each other at least one night a week, if not more.
Start a new ritual together, then work from there. Soon the stress in your relationship will disappear which in turn will enable you to deal better with lifes other stress’ and that vicious negative circle will rapidly reverse into a positive benificial experience, you will feel happier, you’ll be a more connected, feel supported.